I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
