Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
