he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
