Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
