The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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