I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
