My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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