Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
