she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
