Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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