I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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