I'm really into asian looking animals
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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