You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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