i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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