"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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