that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
