everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
