I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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