The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
