just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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