Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize