He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My cat gives me a boner
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
