we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
