a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
