so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
