So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
