just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize