Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
