shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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