Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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