the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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