How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
