Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
