that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
