Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
