I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
