I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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