The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
