so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
