just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize