guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you traded sex for a burrito?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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