just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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