I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
