ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
