the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
