so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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