No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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