I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
