Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
