Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
