You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
