Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
