I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize