let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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