u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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