You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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