Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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