are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
