im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
