I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize