Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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