I think my fart just growled at me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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