So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
