the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
