I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
