It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
