I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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