ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
