Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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