there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Lo siento on account of my penis...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
