I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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