when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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