The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
