At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
