What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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