talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
