did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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