I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
