he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i believe in u and ur pee
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
