Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize